Al Woody's 6:20 Funny
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?"
He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up, then she just fainted!"
After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As soon as he falls asleep, he is awoken by some knocks on the door of his cab. "Can you tell me the time, please?" asks a jogger. "Yeah, it's 4:30," answers the trucker. He falls asleep again, but he is awoken again by knocks on his cab. It's another jogger who asks the time. "It's 4:40!" yells the trucker. Deciding he didn't want to be disturbed any more so he could get some sleep, he writes on a piece of paper: I DON'T KNOW THE TIME and sticks the paper in his windshield. Well, he gets to sleep again but before you know it, he is again awakened by knocks on his cab. It's another jogger, who says, "It's 5:25".
A guy took his blonde GF to her first football game and asked her how she liked it ? 'Oh, I really liked it especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.' Dumbfounded, he asked, 'What do you mean?' 'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like....Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!!
A woman walks into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with an Amazing Flygun
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting Flies" he responded.
"Oh. Killing any? " she asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
A circus owner walked into a shop to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the?
table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.
After some wheelin' and dealin' they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the shop in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"
"Hmmm...." thought the duck's former owner. "Did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days with no food and little water. One day, just as they were finally about to give up, they crawled into a clearing and there right in front of them stood a Cannibal's Restaurant. Out front near the entrance was a large menu board. With the little energy they had left, they dragged themselves across the clearing and looked up to see the following menu:
Par boiled Priest $12.00
Roast Lion Hunter $14.00
Steamed Politician $198.50
They struggled in, dragged themselves to a table, and a waiter came to take their order. Before they ordered, one of the explorers asked the waiter "Can you help me understand your menu? The first two items are priced about the same, but the third item, the politician, is priced so much higher. Why is that?"
"Are you kidding?" replied the waiter, "Did you ever try to clean one of those suckers?"
Two robins were sitting in a tree.
`I'm really hungry`, said the first one.
`Me, too` said the second.
`Let's fly down and find some lunch.`
They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate `til they could eat no more.
`I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree`, said the first one. `Me either. Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun`, said the second.
`O.K.` said the first.
They plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them up.
As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought,
`I just love baskin` robins.`