Al Woody's 6:20 Funny

Short Nose Joke

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Short Nose Joke

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in half and sends her the top part.

Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother’s eyesight is and hopes she won’t notice. A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, “Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style? It makes makes your nose look too short.”

 

Fly A Kite Joke

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Fly A Kite Joke

A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.

He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.
 
He tries this a few more times with no success.
 
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window,
 
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
 
She opens the window and yells to her husband,
 
“You need a piece of tail.”
 
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,
 
“Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.”

Talking Frog Joke

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Talking Frog Joke

A guy is 75 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he
heard a voice say, “Pick me up.”
 
He looked around and couldn’t see any one. He
thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say
again, “Pick me up.” He looked in the water and
there, floating on the top, was a frog.
 
The man said, “Are you talking to me?”
 
The frog said, “Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up.
Then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful
woman you have ever seen.
I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and
jealous because you will have me as your bride.”
 
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached
over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his
front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, “What, are you nuts? Didn’t you
hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your
beautiful bride.”
 
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
“Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”

Barbie Joke

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Barbie Doll Joke

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.

He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the
sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, Sir?

 We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie
for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95".

The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the
Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.

DOCTOR'S CHILD JOKE

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DOCTORS CHILD JOKE

On the way to preschool, a doctor had left his stethoscope on the car seat, and his little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

 
"Be still, my heart," thought the doctor. "My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!"
 
Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

Text Joke

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Text Joke

A furious man is leaving his wife.as he's storming out, his mother in law calls round "what's wrong?"she asks."I sent a text to my wife telling her I'd be home early", he fumes."I got back to find her in bed with another man."
"im sure there will be a simple explanation his mother in law says."let me go and have a chat with her". She goes to talk to her daughter and returns a few minutes later."I knew there'd be a simple explanation", she says with a smile."she didn't get your text".

Blonde & Snow Joke

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2 Blonde Snow Joke

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Kroger parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?" 

 

3 old men joke

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3 old men joke

Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test.
The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?"
"274" was his reply.
The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday" replies the second man.
The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"?
"Nine" says the third man.
"That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"?
"Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man. "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

Police Nurse Joke

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Police Nurse Joke

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, 'Get well soon, from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.'
 

Boys and Tampons Joke

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Boys and Tampons Joke

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"  "Eight," the boy replies. The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for?  "Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're my brother – he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one."