Two hunters decide to go moose hunting in Canada. They hire an airplane to drop them off in a remote region.
The pilot drops them off and tells them, "I`ll be back in one week. No more than one moose - got it?"

One week passes, and the pilot returns. The hunters have two moose. The pilot says, "Hey, I told you guys no more than one moose."
One of the hunters replies, "Look the pilot told us the same thing last year and we gave him a `big` tip to take both moose out."

The three of them argue for several minutes more. The pilot gives up and agrees to take both moose.

Well, they load up the moose and fire up the plane. The plane shudders and strains trying to take off. It finally gets the wheels off the ground 5 feet, 10 feet. Whoops! It runs out of runway and smashes into a tree.

The two hunters, dazed and confused make there way out of the wreckage. One hunter looks at the other and says, "Where the heck are we?"

The other looks around and replies, "About 200 yards further than we got last year!"
 

 A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little?

romantic little restaurant. 

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' 

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband 

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. 

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me. 

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. 

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00, which seemed awfully cheap.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Bob!"

A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO standing in front of the company shredder with a piece of paper in hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is very important, and my secretarys already left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "Ill just need one copy."