Al Woody's 6:20 Funny
A guy took his blonde GF to her first football game and asked her how she liked it ? 'Oh, I really liked it especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.' Dumbfounded, he asked, 'What do you mean?' 'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like....Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!!
A woman walks into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with an Amazing Flygun
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting Flies" he responded.
"Oh. Killing any? " she asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
A circus owner walked into a shop to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the?
table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.
After some wheelin' and dealin' they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the shop in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"
"Hmmm...." thought the duck's former owner. "Did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days with no food and little water. One day, just as they were finally about to give up, they crawled into a clearing and there right in front of them stood a Cannibal's Restaurant. Out front near the entrance was a large menu board. With the little energy they had left, they dragged themselves across the clearing and looked up to see the following menu:
Par boiled Priest $12.00
Roast Lion Hunter $14.00
Steamed Politician $198.50
They struggled in, dragged themselves to a table, and a waiter came to take their order. Before they ordered, one of the explorers asked the waiter "Can you help me understand your menu? The first two items are priced about the same, but the third item, the politician, is priced so much higher. Why is that?"
"Are you kidding?" replied the waiter, "Did you ever try to clean one of those suckers?"
Two robins were sitting in a tree.
`I'm really hungry`, said the first one.
`Me, too` said the second.
`Let's fly down and find some lunch.`
They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate `til they could eat no more.
`I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree`, said the first one. `Me either. Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun`, said the second.
`O.K.` said the first.
They plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them up.
As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought,
`I just love baskin` robins.`
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter? "
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away. " "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest. "
The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here. "
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help? " "No," re plies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too! "